don't miss me

because i won't be gone.
granted, i won't be here
but i'm always around.

its finally time that i understand
just what i want for a couple days
a couple weeks, months, years.
however long it takes.

and it will probably be the hardest secret
i have ever had to keep.
a couple of people already know,
but only the ones that I know will keep
their mouths shut.

so don't tune in to this channel too often.
maybe if you're looking for the very seldom read
or some sort of nostalgia. this will become
something of a ghost town.

i miss the weather

that was a only slowing changing day by day.
i miss those times when my mind only wandered
and never thought of the future

but i think if i were there again
i would miss this the most
the actually feeling
its not something to be remembered
it can't be remembered wholly
only experienced in the moment
to be alive and suffering.

the more i write

the more i find
that the truth hides behind the truth we create
and all i'm sure of is that i'm not sure of anything, really.

some people

are meant to lead us, carry us, follow us to the end
and others are meant to get you from one place to another
to that next step in finding yourself.

so here's my new years resolution

over 4 months late.
but right on time.

i look back at not just the last year but the last 21 years and think about the happiness I could've had and didn't. so my resolution is to just live happier. to be happier. to invest time in the things i love doing and the people i know. and to worry less about what the future holds.

while you just had that thought

someone else was somewhere else thinking something else.
and somewhere else someone else wasn't thinking at all.
and some others were sleeping, eating.
they were alive
but were they all living?

the things we worry about

some of them aren't so important.
but you don't know that coming into it.
so look back at the ones that changed your life
and the ones that barely left a trace.

don't forget about a single exhale of relief,
tear of sorrow, leap of joy. and all the feelings
in between.

what's meant to happen will happen
absorb the shock and flow on.