XC & Track

There was always a difference. Not just in the terrain, the options, the duration. More so in the mentality. The approach. I never had a track race where I didn't give everything I had. But there were cross country races where I ran easy to prevent burn out, or phoned it in because I wasn't feeling it. Talk about disrespect. To the sport, my teammates, other competitors. Wasting their time, my own time. I'm ashamed to know that me.

Maybe it was the distance. Because 5k seemed like a pain in the ass, and 8k was just daunting. Except I love the 5k now. More than the steeple.

Maybe it was the solitude. Though I've always considered myself something of a Lone Wolf style runner. Always ran from the front, even before I knew who Pre was. Never cared enough to call someone up and ask if they wanted to run. Just went out and did my own thing.

Maybe it was my maturity. Yet whether I was 16 or I was 20 it still plagued me, this emotionless procession to the starting line and thru the finishing chute.

Track always felt different. Maybe its the tightly packed places indoors where you could hear the hurdles smashing, the yells of coaches, the crash of the shot. Maybe its the shortened circuits, and the close competition. Maybe its the sense of urgency, when the bell rings, no matter where you are, it seems to echo inside you, adrenaline surging, the chase, the hunt beginning, regardless of your position or place.


I remember how I felt the first time I stepped to the line in a cross country race, it was scary as hell, but it was better than being on the track. I was 15. I remember the bus ride out, the hill half way through, finishing strong in the cool, shadowy evening. That was the day I became a runner. Who I was before that, I'll never know.

"Races don't begin at the starting line, do they? They don't really start until it's just the pack running shoulder to shoulder with no one around. Doesn't it add some excitement knowing the race isn't really won at the finish line with everyone watching? It is won somewhere along the course, where no one can see. " - Asics XC

More and more I feel like the woods are the place to be. Where real men are born. Where real races happen. I to want to get back to the grass, the dirt, the forests. I want to get back to nature, back to my ancestors, trekking, tracking, following the trail. It feels more of an opportunity to prove myself than any other time. when no one else is watching except me, my own arch rival, my own cheering section, my own critic. A time when I feel more in control of my own fate, alone, the inescapable truth of my abilities naked in the light. Better than finishing in front of thousands of screaming fans. The opportunity to know that I gave my all, and not worry about being celebrated for my efforts. Letting the good deed be its own reward. In the middle of a field, with not another soul in sight.